I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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