is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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