i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
