Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
