I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
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Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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