The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
