I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
