i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Oh god it's open bar.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
