You made me cry and you don't even care
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
