The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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