Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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