Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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