You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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