Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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