made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Enjoy the penises
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
