I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
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Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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