Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
