we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
