Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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