I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
