I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
