Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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