your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize