then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
