when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
