I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Enjoy the penises
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
