im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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