Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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