She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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