Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
