ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
