I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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