There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
