Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
