I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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