i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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