its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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