sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
