you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
