brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
