I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
