I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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