Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
