They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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