that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
