They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
