Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
