It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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