When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
