you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
love makes seman taste better
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
