im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
