She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
