Someone shit on the floor
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
