a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
