I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
