She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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