i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
