There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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