Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
