why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
