Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
