matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
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You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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