I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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