You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
