We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
