I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
