Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
