Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
