Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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