There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
