Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
