This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
