you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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