some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
