i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
