dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Someone signed my nipple.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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