I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
