I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
