Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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