you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
