I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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